I didn't realise it before, but I just did- that I seem to feel more negative emotions than usual. It may just be a coincidence, but it is happening. Anyway, let me get to the main point of my post. Just so you know, it's another, kind of depressing one. Supposedly... happy to an extent... in a way, but... I mean... well, you'll see.

So here's the thing that's supposed to be the happy part:
My friend got married today. Yeah, real happy for him. =] I went to his house in the morning, and went to his wedding reception in the evening. The speeches given out by everyone was really quite touching. And I'm really happy for the newly-wed couple.

Aaaand here comes the sad part.

Seeing them like that makes me question: ...What if I don't get my happy ending? What if... I never find that one guy made for me?

Questioning yourself like that may make you pretty emo. Like, seriously. Whenever I saw the bride and groom, I would smile, being really happy for them, and then... have a poker face on as I think about my own future. I would have frowned, but I knew that it wouldn't be appropriate to show such emotions at a wedding reception.

Also, there was this thing that quite probably made me start thinking all these depressing thoughts.

Let me start from the beginning.

I have known the groom, his mom, dad and brother (basically his whole family) practically my whole life. You see, his dad and my dad have been friends since elementary school. Even now, what 40 years later, they're very close. I grew up seeing all of their faces. Not very often, maybe only about once or twice a year. Still, I'm quite attached to them. Now comes the important part. Pay attention.

Since young, I have... sort of... developed this kinda crush on the groom's brother. Hahaha. Yeaaaah. That, my friends, is the sad sad truth. What makes it even more sad, is the fact that... it's just so pathetic! He is plenty years elder than I, so he probably thinks I'm more of a little sister than anything. And that is if I'm lucky. Yeah. And did I mention that we meet only like, once a year? Twice if I'm lucky, and not at all if I'm not.

He's dating another girl right now, and he brought her to the wedding reception. Seeing the two of them together made me go :( on the inside. Maybe I was a little bit like D: too.

I'm all like "give it up, you're probably not gonna live the rest of your life with him or whatever!" but... it's a crush, man! What's a girl to do?!

Sigh. Sinking into depression is no fun.

I don't wanna live my life with someone I'm not totally and utterly happy with! But what if that person, the right person, never shows up?!
Gaahh.